As If In A Dream
by Standupdoutei
Summary: Standing in the rain, I pondered myself. I pondered who I was, who I am , and who I will become. After all of this searching, I sit here with my hands soaked in his blood and ask myself, “What next?”
1. The Rain

As If In A Dream

**The Rain**

Chapter 1

Standing in the rain, I pondered myself. I pondered who I was, who I am , and who I will become. Someone who was so full of hate, so passionate about the revenge I so desperately wanted, never learned to control my emotions. I was a walking rollercoaster. I knew my face didn't show it, but the turmoil inside has effected me greatly. I never thought I would get to this point in my life because of my emotions. I was attached to my past. The people concerning my past and the connections I had with them. I knew I had this connection when she begged me not to leave. The very moment she confessed her love for me I knew I couldn't forget her. I knew I HAD to leave after that. Not because I had to avenge my clan, but because I was terrified at what I was feeling. That night, was the first night I had ever felt that warm, bubbling feeling. It has settled itself in the pit of my stomach and hasn't left in three years. I knew it was there, under the rage and sadness, but I ignored it, thinking it would go away. I can feel it welling up inside of me as I think about this. I shook it out of my head and looked at the cold lifeless body in front of me. After all of this searching, I sit here with my hands soaked in his blood and ask myself, "What next?"

**Author's Note**

**This is my first EVER fanfic and I hope everyone likes it. It is a SasuxSaku if you haven't noticed... It takes place after Sasuke kills Itachi. **

**Thanks for reading this and PLEASE REVIEW!! I need all the help I can get. There is more to come! YAY! Datte bayo!**


	2. Promise

As If In A Dream

Chapter 2

**A/N: Hiya!! sorry this took so long. I had a bit of writer's block. I personally think this is really bad...heh. But they say you are your worst critic... I decided that this is going to alternate between Sasuke and Sakura's Point of View...Please review!!!!1! I write better with critique and encouragement. :D ONe last note: NO FLAMES!!!! i don't need to know how much you hate it...i hate it already. sob And i already know the chapters are short. they are supposed to be...**

When the cherry blossoms bloom, I'm never happy. I didn't want to go out with my friends and enjoy the festival. I wanted to stay home and cry. I wanted to cry for me, My broken heart, and the one who broke it. I wanted to see him once more, even though I knew he would reject me again. But I went anyways. With a smile, I accompany Ino, Naruto, Hinata and Sai throughout the two day festival.

The first day of the festival has always been hard on me. I thought about the things that were being celebrated. A new start for beauty and the end of the cold. But I still felt cold because my heart was left with cold words and a thank you I knew he didn't mean. I only cry when I am left alone to think and remember when the blossoms were in full bloom and the fact he left.

But when he left, I made a promise to myself. I would become stronger...and make sure that Sasuke would know that i was not burden. Training under Godaime-sama made me stronger but I didn't do it for myself. I did it for Sasuke. I did it so when he does return, he would recognize as an asset and not a hindrance. I wanted him to see me as an accomplished kunoichi and not just some else he needs to protect. I just wanted him to accept me.

I would be content if he could just see me as an equal. The idea of Sasuke ever LOVING me is not even plausible in my mind anymore. I know he couldn't love me because he had made that clear when he left. I am sure that he is the only I could have loved that intensely.


	3. Memories

I had no family to go back to, no friends. Konoha was the only home I had and I turned my back to it. I couldn't even say that Sakura or Naruto would welcome me back or just shun me for the pain I made them go though. My only option was to hope for the best and go back to Konoha.

As I set off into the sunset, the rain became slight drizzle. I knew I should have slept, but I kept going on. Choosing to return and the possibility of being rejected clouded my thoughts. Thinking of Konoha brought on memories I had suppressed for so long. Finally feeling relieved of the burden that weighed on my shoulders for so long, I needed something to occupy my mind. I welcomed these thoughts.

Happy thoughts…

Like when we realized we passed our test from Kakashi, and becoming Team 7 officially. I felt bonded to my teammates, like we had accomplished something. Like I would get stronger with them, but I ignored my feelings and let the thoughts of revenge consume me.

Carefree memories…

Of chasing Kakashi around town, just to see what was under his mask. It was the first time I remember **feeling **like a kid. But I let vengeance take hold of my heart and all reasoning.

Sad Memories…

Like leaving. It tore me up inside knowing I was going to leave everything behind…just to pursue power from a man who only wanted my body for his own. I never let anyone I met after that see that I was grieving the loss of my home and friends. I just acted like I hated them…and I started to believe myself. But when I think back, I don't regret it. Things would have played out differently had I stayed. I would have become more and more crazed over my vengeance. I would have lost all feeling for anything I have ever known and become just like Itachi. I wouldn't let myself become that, so I left. It was all I could do to protect myself.

But, looking back…leaving saved me from …ME.

**A/N:**

**OK guys...sorry it is so late...beeen busy...and lazy : D**

**Leave me a review!! Sasuke won't be emo anymore if you do!! LMAO**

**(joking)**


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